count(Blessings)

Lately I have been feeling sorta down, for reasons that are entirely preventable. I chose to hack code instead of going to social events, and this ended up taking over my weekend. I am starting to see that something is not necessarily worth doing just because (1)it is cool, and (2)I can think of a way to do it...
Anyway, because of these happenings, I feel sorta down.
(The rather pathetic part of all this is that I don't know if anyone is reading this... so is this even worth doing...?)
Most of the reason I get feeling _down, is that I am afraid I will end up all alone and no one will ever love me... I wonder if maybe I am a person only God could love... but then my compulsive honesty kicks in, and I have to qualify it with:

and...
1. Mom
2. Dad
3. 6 siblings
4. 3 (soon 4) brothers in law
5. 3 nephews
6. 2 nieces

... so I guess I am pretty blessed really. Then there is the people at church... (why did I skip today? Listening to a sermon at home is NOT the same as joining a congregational body...)
But family love is different. Family loves because the common ancestry holds us together (blood is thicker than water). Church members only see you at church and don't really know the real me. Only one member of my church really knows me and she hates me now...
I need to know if there is someone besides God that could know me and still love me... I am starting to think it would take a miracle. Of course, being a social gimp like I am... and not being able to remember people's names, and not being able to carry a conversation in a bucket...
It. would. take. a. miracle!
So while I wait.. this represents the life.

while (!getGirl()){
   count(Blessings);
}