Running

I am running from something... I turn up the music whenever these feelings come, but they keep coming back. I just want to feel happy all the time... but this loneliness won't let me. Other people are too much trouble. I just want to live the way I want. I just want to dance for my own enjoyment... I just wanna wear stuff that clashes... I just wanna define my own destiny, at every moment of my life... I just wanna make myself happy... and if that means no one will have me... then they are too much trouble anyway...
I am running from:

• my expectations of my life
• my loneliness
• myself
• my own knowledge of how I could not be lonely, but I don't wanna pay the price.

So until I decide to pay the price:

• I will keep playing music that stops me from thinking.
• I will keep watching fantasy and science fiction movies.
• I will keep reading books that transport me to another world... a better world.
• .. and never books, or movies, or music that makes me think about this one...

I will keep myself so busy I never stop to think about my life...

Until I finally go crazy and

then

my

made

up

world

never

ends...